Day 202… sorry I mean day two! Wow what a rough day. I was so agitated at work today, all day. I did apologise in advance to those around me and to be fair my outbursts of loud and bad language weren't that bad. This is how non–smokers always do it I said to myself, going from one meeting to another, to a piece of work, to another and without a break, without a cigarette. How do you give yourself time, ten minutes to just stop and relax and clam down and think? I feel like I can’t stop and give myself ten minutes without a cigarette?
Inside though, it was a struggle. I felt hungry, tired, twitchy and frustrated. I sooo wanted a cig, just one little cig, one little drag even of one cig.
I do like my music and as I share this journey I will often refer to a song that’s been floating around my head that day - I suppose it will be my stop smoking soundtrack - I'm mentioning this as it's difficult to explain how frustrated and hopeless I felt, even though I was controlling the urge and didn’t give in! So when I say that today was that bad that I actually started singing Leo Sayer – that should emphasise how truly scary today has been for me.
At four o'clock my support call came through. It was perfect timing, Leo Sayer had just been sung and I was getting desperate. I answered the phone, grabbed a drink and finally gave myself some down time. It was equally strange and good to be asked how I was doing and how my day had gone. It was just what I needed to refocus on what I was doing and why.
It's amazing how someone’s time to comment and support can make such a difference and I felt revitalised and determined again.
I decided that I was going to give myself another positive boost and visited my mum (who has successfully quit smoking after 40 years!!) It was the first time in over 20 years we had both sat together talking with a cuppa, without either one of us having a cig – that did feel a huge accomplishment!
I know I have already shared my immediate worry about my instant love of all things food – although after such a rough day, and after making it through feeling positive and determined again with my smoking journey – me and mum didn’t have a cig, but we did eat our cake :)
But wait…it gets better. I checked the stop smoking site and there were people taking the time and effort to comment on my story – yes friends and family that you would hope to support and share your journey, but there was more.
People I had never met before that have gone through or are going through the same experience with stopping smoking and I can honestly say it made a huge difference to me and I really appreciated it.
And it gets even better! I then received a private message from someone (who shall remain anonymous) to say that they had read my blog and had signed up to start the preparation for their stop smoking journey too. Wow!!!!
So after a thoroughly long and crappy day, the close was awesome. Thank you stop smoking support team, thank you mum, thank you cake shop, thank you for everyones comments and support. I will carry on this journey but one thing's for sure, it will such a different journey with you and I hope you stick around.View all